37 year old unsuccessful author, prone to pessimism due to his poor life choices. A heavy drinker who generally dislikes everyone, he has some family back in his native Sydney that he'll send a Christmas card to if he remembers, but his only real friend (since he's the only one he cares to be friends with) is the owner of a cheap, shitty bar (the Two-Headed Queenslander) in downtown Brisbane, Kane "Hoppo" Hopkins.

Has some kind of arts degree from one of the sandstone universities in Sydney but he wasn't very good at it and didn't retain much.